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When I was little, I thought that \u201cvulgar\u201d was a language \u2014 spoken, I presumed, in the country of Vulgaria. I imagined it as a nation full of rude and unkind people who chewed gum with their mouths open and said \u201cbutt\u201d instead of \u201cbottom.\u201d This was all because of my dad<\/a>, who was comically<\/em> polite. To him, drinking from a straw<\/em> was inappropriate (\u201cThey\u2019re meant to be used in hospitals\u201d), and children were always \u201cchildren,\u201d never \u201ckids.\u201d Drop a casual \u201check\u201d and he\u2019d look almost wounded. \u201cLet\u2019s not be vulgar<\/em>, Kels.\u201d<\/p>\n By age four, I\u2019d figured out both the real meaning of \u201cvulgar\u201d and the fact that my dad was ridiculous. I spent decades ruffling his feathers with the mildest<\/em> slang:\u00a0\u201csnot,\u201d \u201cspit,\u201d or \u2014 egads! \u2014 \u201cpuke.\u201d I, of course, would have no such hang-ups as a parent. I\u2019d be principled<\/em> about language, not stuffy. As long as it wasn\u2019t hateful or harmful, who really cared? Then came the day my own four-year-old said \u201csnot,\u201d and some fussy, paternal gene was activated in me: \u201cIt\u2019s called \u2018mucus!’\u201d<\/p>\n My daughter is now six, and we\u2019re still ironing out our policies on language. The central tenet is the same: nothing hateful or harmful, which includes words rooted in ableism, like \u201cdumb\u201d or \u201ccrazy.\u201d Sure, it gets tricky, explaining why we don\u2019t say \u201ccrazy\u201d when lots of our friends do \u2014\u00a0or why we listen to Hamilton<\/em>, but we don\u2019t walk around calling people \u201cbastard, orphan, son of a whore\u201d (and<\/em> also<\/em> there\u2019s nothing wrong with being any of those things). Whew<\/em>, it\u2019s a lot, but that\u2019s the kind of tricky I can handle.<\/p>\n What I\u2019m completely lost on is good, old-fashioned swearing and slang. I don\u2019t really have a good, principle-backed reason for not wanting to let my daughter drop f-bombs (we\u2019re not there yet, but I\u2019m sure the day is coming). I just tell her there are some words she might choose to use when she\u2019s older \u2014\u00a0y\u2019know, Alexander Hamilton\u2019s age. (That\u2019s pretty good? Right?) I correct her \u201coh my god\u201d to \u201coh my gosh,\u201d with a slightly wobblier explanation about \u201cgod\u201d meaning different things to different people, and then trail off into something about respect for beliefs. (???)<\/p>\n As for calling it \u201cmucus\u201d instead of \u201csnot,\u201d I have no excuse. That\u2019s just straight-up fussiness I inherited, along with my dad\u2019s nose. One day, she\u2019ll turn around, tell me I\u2019m ridiculous, and crack her gum right in my face \u2014\u00a0and I\u2019ll have earned it. That\u2019s fine. But in two months, she\u2019ll start first grade. We\u2019re talking real school, with homework and lice and all sorts of other big-kid stuff she\u2019ll bring home, including big-kid words and, surely, the desire to ruffle her mom\u2019s feathers with them. I need a strategy, and quick. (Quickly<\/em>, that is.)<\/p>\n So, if I may ask: What\u2019s your policy on \u2018bad language?\u2019 If you\u2019re a parent, do you allow it at home? Do you have different rules for different crowds or age groups? Are certain words off-limits, period?<\/strong><\/p>\n Jerry Maguire #jerrymaguire<\/a> #1996<\/a> #tomcruise<\/a> #jonathanlipnicki<\/a> #talk<\/a> #zoo<\/a> #really<\/a> <\/p>\n \u266c original sound \u2013 90ZCLUB<\/a> <\/p>\n<\/section>\n<\/blockquote>\n P.S. More posts on talking to kids<\/a>, including talking to kids about sex<\/a>, periods<\/a>, death<\/a>, consent<\/a>, and feelings<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n