It’s natural for friendships to evolve or fade with time, but how do you build a deep, meaningful friendship with someone new? In my own experience, it’s a feat that becomes even more difficult with age. As an adult, you’re not conveniently thrown into as many situations where meeting people is natural, and timing is a huge factor, too. Research shows it takes 50 hours to build a casual friendship, 90 hours to become real friends, and 200 hours to consider someone a close friend. Put simply: Adults have less free time than children and adolescents, so committing time to new friendships can feel overwhelming, no matter what stage of adulthood you’re in.
Still, most adults would welcome a new friendship if they had the chance. I’ve formed some of my closest friendships as an adult, and I’m a firm believer that adulthood is a great time to make new friends. You’re more secure in yourself, so you’re more likely to attract people who align with your values, interests, and lifestyle. But the best friendships take time, commitment, and the right mindset—and you need to know where to look. Ahead, we’re sharing more about how to make friends as an adult, including where to make friends as an adult, how to approach a new friend, and mistakes to avoid.
Why is it so damn hard to make friends as an adult?
Making friends as an adult can feel like a whole new world compared to the days of schoolyard friendships and college dorm bonding. Life gets busier, priorities shift, and it’s easy to feel like everyone else already has their social circle set. But the truth is, making friends as an adult is not only possible—it can be incredibly rewarding. Good friends are essential for our emotional well-being, and forming new connections can bring fresh energy and joy into your life, no matter your age or stage.
The realization of this need has never been louder for me personally. I’m coming off a pretty wild chapter where my partner and I ditched apartment life and spent years traveling the world together. It was absolutely incredible and something I’ll treasure forever, but I will say that constantly moving showed me just how isolating adulthood can feel without a consistent community. When you’re always starting over, the craving for real connection gets loud. Rebuilding that sense of belonging has been a process, but it’s also reminded me that there are ways to find your people again. You just have to know how to look.
Whether you’ve just moved to a new city, live in a new city every few months, or simply want to expand your social circle, the key is staying open to new experiences and being willing to spend time with new people. Making that first step can feel intimidating, but lasting friendships often start small. Think: a simple hello, a shared interest, or a casual coffee can pave the way for trust and shared vulnerability.
It might feel uncomfortable at first, but sharing a bit about yourself can encourage others to do the same, paving the way for deeper connections. And remember, patience is key. Building new friendships can be a slow process, but it’s worth the effort. Start small, and let relationships develop gradually over time. People often respect your effort to put yourself out there when trying to make new friends. Lasting friendships start that way and then continue to grow as you continue on.
To tackle these challenges, focus on shared interests and activities rather than individual personalities. Joining a local group or club related to a hobby or passion can be a fantastic way to meet like-minded people. Whether it’s a book club, a local community center class, or a sports league, these settings provide a natural environment for connections to happen organically.
How to make new friends as an adult
1. Join a book club
Book clubs are seriously one of the best ways to meet new people because the conversation starter is already built in for you. You already have something to talk about, which takes a lot of the pressure off showing up solo. Whether you’re into super-specific genres like romantasy, friends-to-lovers storylines, or book-to-movie adaptations where you read and watch a story together, there’s truly a book club for everyone. I deeply believe that storytelling is one of the most important vessels for connection and understanding each other. And by chatting up characters and pivotal plot points with a circle of curious women, you can turn strangers into real friends.
If you want a low-effort place to start, I will happily suggest The Everygirl Book Club, which meets once a month. It offers a low-pressure, cozy way to connect from anywhere—and killer book recommendations.
2. Attend networking events
Networking feels like one of those buzzy words career experts throw around, but it’s really just about meeting people who share your interests and ambitions. Whether you’re hoping to break into a new industry or expand your knowledge and connections in your current one, networking is the perfect way to do that and meet new people at the same time. Attending events in your area creates built-in opportunities to bond over what you care about—from film to finance to fashion, there’s usually a space for it. Networking is a lot of self-promotion, but it’s also about relationship-building and growing your circle.
Research events happening in your area that align with your industry or passions, and show up confidently. You might not know anyone the first time or the third, but this is a great way to start putting yourself out there and connecting with like-minded people. You never know what type of friendships you’ll form—let alone the career opportunities that can come from it. Stay open to what’s happening in your city, or take it as inspiration to host something of your own too.
3. Reconnect with old friends
OK, so this might sound counterintuitive to making new friends, but if you’re craving deeper friendship, you might consider reconnecting with a friend you lost touch with (just don’t use that same advice as an excuse to get back with your ex). Maybe you previously lived in different cities and are now living closer, or you were going through a different life phase and now have more in common. Whatever the reason may be, if the friendship foundation is there, it could be easy (and fun!) to rebuild. Reconnecting with old friends can also lead to strengthening relationships with family members.
This could apply to a friend who was more of an acquaintance in the past, but you never got to know them better. I met my best friend nearly 10 years ago when I was 24. We were coworkers who never thought to spend time together outside of work until a year after we both left the company. We ran into each other randomly and ended up hitting it off. Now, six years later, we are inseparable and have a deeper friendship than friends I’ve known my whole life.
4. Turn coworkers into friends
On that note, do you have a coworker you think you’d enjoy spending time with outside of work? Sure, work-life separation is important, too, but the office is a great place to meet friends with similar passions and interests. If the thought of asking your coworker out for drinks or a weekend hang makes you nervous, start small and see if they want to have lunch together. Stepping out of the office will help you see this person from a different perspective—and you never know, you may just have a new office best friend!
5. Connect with friends of friends
I moved from New York City to Chicago when I was 30 years old, knowing not one person in the city. I did, however, have a lot of friends in New York who had friends in Chicago—and I had no shame asking for help! Making friends doesn’t require you to be the most outgoing person in the room, but it does require you to put yourself out there and be open to new experiences. Yes, you can (and should!) still have your self-care nights and alone time, but be ready to say yes a little more often than you might typically be inclined to, especially if you’re in a new city.
I enacted this same strategy when I spent two months in Los Angeles as a 33-year-old, also knowing no one in the area. I asked friends who they knew, and in the short amount of time I was there, I ended up making a close friend whom I still keep in touch with regularly. Trust me, people love setting up friends even more than setting you up on a date, and there’s way less pressure!
6. Join a local group
Whether we’re talking about Facebook groups or a good old-fashioned book club, there’s a group for pretty much everything these days. Love to travel? Join a travel group or sign up for a group trip. Are you the first of your friends to have a kid? There are mom groups everywhere! If you’re joining a group that’s relevant to your interests or your current situation, you’re bound to meet people who you hit it off. I’ve been a part of multiple running groups, and I’m always shocked by how many people I meet with similar interests and lifestyles to my own. Seeing the same people regularly in these groups helps foster deeper friendships over time.
7. Take a Class or Workshop
One of the best ways to meet new people who share your interests is by taking a class or workshop. Whether it’s a cooking class at your local community center, a painting workshop at a nearby studio, or an online course in a subject you’re passionate about, these settings are ripe for making new connections. Not only do you get to learn something new, but you also find yourself surrounded by like-minded individuals who share your enthusiasm. The collaborative environment of a class or workshop naturally fosters conversation and interaction, making it easier to strike up a chat and potentially form lasting friendships.
8. Volunteer in your community
I’m passionate about volunteering for so many reasons, but I never realized before doing so how many people you meet when you sign up for local charity events and organizations. If there is a cause you feel strongly about, you’ll likely find it easier to connect with people who you already know feel strongly about that same topic. Sure, you might not end up being lifelong friends, but maybe you will—and if you don’t, you’ll still have the satisfaction of having given back to a community or cause you’re passionate about.
9. Strike up conversation at workout classes
Workout classes are a social scene in themselves. I’ve talked to so many people who have met friends at their local Pilates studio or on the treadmill next to them at Barry’s Bootcamp—but I also know a lot of people who feel too nervous to strike up a conversation with their yoga neighbor. One thing’s for sure, I’ve never met someone who *wouldn’t* like it for someone to approach them in this setting. The best part? You have a built-in conversation topic. Ask them their favorite instructor, what other classes they like, or the easiest in: a compliment! Who doesn’t love to hear how cute their new leggings are? You’ll be sipping post-class smoothies together in no time.
Here are some prompts that can help you strike up conversation at a workout class:
- If this is your first time taking the class, ask someone for the lowdown on how it usually goes
- Comment on how brutal the last set was and bond over surviving it together
- Compliment someone on their workout attire
- Ask where the best place to get a post-workout smoothie is
- Ask what other class formats they like at the same studio
10. Use apps & go to meetups
There’s an app for everything now, including making friends. Take a break from swiping for dates and swipe for friendship instead with apps like Bumble BFF. It’s way easier to spark up a conversation with someone who you know is on the app for the exact same reason you are. Use their discovery features to find local events happening in your area, or connect with people one-on-one. Another great option is Meetup, which lets you explore groups and events in your area so you can meet people in person over shared interests.
11. Join a sports club or league
Every major city has different leagues and sports teams you can join—and they’re an incredible place to meet new people! Similar to local groups, workout classes, and volunteering, these leagues will give you an environment full of people who have a shared interest. Brush off your softball glove or go buy yourself a new pickleball paddle and either grab an existing friend or fly solo. Simply going places alone is one of my absolute favorite ways to meet new people. Run clubs are another great example where you can show up to a meet, find someone who runs at your pace, and chat mid-jog. Complementing their running shoes or attire is a great way to start a conversation here as well.
12. Connect on social media
You may think social media is hindering your ability to meet people in real life, but if you use it correctly, it can actually be an extremely helpful tool in your IRL friendship toolbox. You can connect with people in your area, send them a DM, and make plans to meet in real life! It’s a great way to connect with old friends, too, and can feel more natural for many people than approaching someone in person. As someone who has built a large community on Instagram, I’ve met a ton of great friends this way!
How to make friends in a new city
Moving to a new city is exciting, but also kind of terrifying—especially when it comes to figuring out where your people are. The good news, though, is that there are tons of ways to meet friends who actually get you and can make your new city feel like home. One of my favorite hacks is to join a group or club that matches your interests. Whether that be a book club, run club, cooking class, trivia night—anything that you automatically feel comfortable chatting about. It makes starting a conversation way less awkward that way and gives you a reason to hang out again.
That said, stepping outside your comfort zone is also a good place to start if you’re feeling ambitious. While starting in a place you already feel comfortable helps navigate the convo, somewhere you are not also gives you lots of questions to ask, and conversations to spark. Hit up local events, browse Meetup for groups near you, or sign up for a workshop that looks fun. Everyone is there for the same reason—to connect—so even if it feels intimidating, you’re not the odd one out.
If you also have a friend of a friend who lives in the area, something I have found helpful is reaching out and asking for connections. My friends are usually happy to introduce me to their friends, and it’s a great way to meet people who come with a little trust built in. It requires some vulnerability, but that’s the point! Making friends in a city does take a bit of curiosity, courage, and maybe a few awkward hellos, but each new connection helps make that new city feel a little more like yours. And trust me, once you start finding your people, everything else—weekend plans, favorite coffee spots, even grocery store runs—feels way more fun.
How to approach someone you want to be friends with
Making the first move can feel a little awkward, but remember that there’s a good chance the other person is hoping someone will talk to them too. A friendly conversation and a little confidence go a long way.
Look for common ground
The easiest conversations usually start with something you already have in common. Maybe you’re both at the same workout class, work together, keep running into each other at your favorite coffee shop, or bonded over a shared obsession with a TV show or book. Instead of overthinking it, comment on what’s happening around you or bring up something you know you both enjoy. It feels natural and takes the pressure off making random small talk.
Ask open-ended questions
Try your best to avoid questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” Instead, ask questions that invite the other person to share a little about themselves. People generally enjoy talking about their interests, and it gives you plenty of opportunities to find more things you have in common. Try things like:
- “How did you get into Pilates?”
- “What’s your favorite brunch spot around here?”
- “Have you watched anything good lately?”
- “What do you usually do on weekends?”
Give a genuine compliment
A thoughtful compliment is a great conversation starter—but only as long as it feels authentic. Instead of only complimenting someone’s appearance, notice something about their style, personality, or taste. A sincere compliment helps people feel seen and can naturally lead into a conversation. For example:
- “I love your tote bag—where did you get it?”
- “You always have the cutest outfits.”
- “You’re so easy to talk to.”
- “I feel like you always know the best places to eat.”
Make the first move
If you’ve been chatting with someone and the energy feels right, don’t wait around hoping they’ll ask you to hang out. Sometimes building a friendship is as simple as sending the text first. Keep it low-pressure and casual. Try things like:
- “Want to grab coffee next week?”
- “I’m checking out that farmers market Saturday if you’d like to come.”
- “I’m thinking of trying that new matcha place this weekend—want to join?”
- “I’m going on a hot girl walk after work if you’re free.”
- “I’m grabbing lunch nearby on Friday if you want to come.”
Not every invitation will turn into a best friendship, and that’s okay. The goal is to give the right people a chance to get to know you, not to make everyone your friend. Sometimes one simple invitation is all it takes to turn a casual acquaintance into someone you genuinely look forward to seeing.
How to turn a new acquaintance into a real friend
The biggest difference between an acquaintance and a real friend is consistency. Friendships don’t just form overnight. They grow through regular conversations, shared experiences, and actually showing up for each other. If you’ve met someone you click with, don’t let the connection fade because you’re both waiting for the other person to reach out. Send the text, suggest making plans, and follow up after you hang out. Even something as simple as, “I had so much fun today—we should do that again!” keeps the momentum going and shows you’re genuinely interested in building a friendship with that person.
As you spend more time together, don’t be afraid to let the friendship get a little more personal. You don’t have to share your deepest secrets right away (don’t trauma-dump, guys), but opening up about your life, asking thoughtful questions, and being honest about how you’re feeling helps create a deeper connection. At the same time, pay attention to reciprocity. Healthy friendships are a two-way street—both people make an effort to text, make plans, check in, and support each other. If you’re both investing in the relationship, you’ll move beyond small talk and build the kind of friendship that lasts.
Common mistakes that make adult friendships harder
Making friends as an adult can be hard—but a few small habits can unintentionally make things even harder. If you’ve been feeling stuck in trying to build friendships, see if any of these sound familiar:
- Waiting for someone else to reach out. If everyone waits for someone else to make the first move, nothing happens. Sending the first text or inviting someone to hang out doesn’t make you “too eager”—it shows you’re interested in building a connection.
- Giving up after one interaction. Not every conversation is going to feel amazing. A lot of strong friendships start with a few pleasant and simple interactions before you really click.
- Assuming people aren’t interested. If someone takes a while to reply or can’t make plans once, don’t automatically assume they’re rejecting you. Adult schedules are busy, and most people are juggling work, family, and other commitments.
- Expecting instant chemistry. While some friendships feel effortless from the start, most develop over time. Give people a chance before deciding whether there’s really a connection there.
- Not suggesting concrete plans. Saying, “We should hang out sometime!” rarely leads anywhere. Instead, suggest something specific, like grabbing coffee next Tuesday, checking out a weekend market, or trying that new restaurant you’ve both been talking about.
- Only talking when you see each other. If you only chat at work, the gym, or class, the friendship may never grow beyond that setting. A quick text or funny TikTok between your meetups can keep the connection alive, even when you don’t see each other.
- Canceling plans too often. Life happens, but repeatedly canceling without rescheduling can make a new friendship lose momentum. If you have to back out, suggest another day right away.
- Trying too hard to seem “cool.” Worrying about saying the perfect thing or playing it too casual can make interactions feel way too forced. Being warm, genuine, and interested is much more memorable than trying to impress someone.
- Keeping every conversation surface-level. Small talk is a great starting point, but lasting friendships grow when you gradually share more about your life, interests, and experiences.
- Expecting every new person to become your best friend. Not every connection is meant to be lifelong, and that’s okay. Some people become close friends, while others become workout buddies, brunch friends, or someone you enjoy hanging out with occasionally.
Why it’s so important to focus on quality over quantity
When it comes to making friends as an adult, it’s easy to think the goal is just adding more and more people to your contacts list. But in truth, the magic isn’t in how many people you know—it’s in the quality of those connections. A handful of good friends you can actually count on will bring you way more joy and support than a long list of acquaintances you only see once in a while. Real friendships are built on shared experiences, trust, and people who really get you. And yes, it takes time to feel that—but investing in a few people versus twenty at once can be super fulfilling.
I was the girl in high school who was friends with everyone, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized it’s far more rewarding to go deep with a few people than spread yourself thin with everyone. To quote my personal friend Taylor Swift, a friend to all is a friend to none—and I’ve never found that more true than in adult friendships.
One close friend who really understands you is worth a dozen you only see at group hangouts. Forget the pressure to meet everyone at once—meaningful friendships grow slowly, with consistent effort and honest conversation. Focus on those real connections, and you’ll end up with a social life that feels rich, supportive, and genuinely rewarding—no matter the size of your circle.
Don’t beat yourself up if these deep, personal connections don’t happen overnight. The important part to remember is to keep showing up, saying yes to invitations, and putting yourself out there. Eventually, you’ll look around and notice the people who actually get your values, vibe, and quirks start showing up when you make room for them. With a little persistence, some kindness, and the courage to take those first jumps with a “Hi, I’m XX, and I loveee your shoes”—you can start making room for that circle of friends who have your back.
You May Also Like:
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- Bumble BFF Got a Total Revamp—This Feature Alone Makes It Worth Re-Downloading
- I Moved to a Brand New City—Here’s the One Thing I Did to Establish a Friend Group
Carleigh Ferrante, Contributing Sex & Relationships Writer
Carleigh Ferrante is an NYC-based writer with a bachelor’s in Creative Writing. She is an IIN Certified Health Coach and co-host of a dating and lifestyle podcast, Mostly Balanced. In addition to The Everygirl, Carleigh has been featured in publications like PureWow and Well+Good.
Jenna Piotrowicz, Former Editorial Assistant
As a former Editorial Assistant for The Everygirl, Jenna assisted the team with content creation. She sourced products and images and worked behind the scenes to support The Everygirl in uploading and updating content.
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